02 04 19

Monkey,

Last weekend, I went home to Pampanga. It was my first time to go there by myself. I remember the night we first slept together, you invited me to your despidida in Pampanga, to which I declined because I wasn't sure that time where our relationship was headed to. Also because I was shy and I did not know anyone in there yet. It was a family affair, and I felt like it was too early to immerse in your family.

I also remember the first time you brought me home, I was with Mom and Jeng. That was the first night I saw you drunk and mouthy. I saw a different side of you, and to be honest, I never liked that side of you. But of course, I couldn't blame you, you had too many baggage that you were easy to trigger; you had a humongous trust issue with all the betrayal you've been through. That same night, I left you drunk downstairs, because I didn't know how to pacify you. But one thing is for sure, I wanted to help you carry your baggages. That night, I left you downstairs, because I love you too much that it pains me to see you like that. But that same night, I promised myself that I will help you rid all the anger in your heart. And here we are now, a year and three months together. And every day, I fall in love with you.

Since then, we travelled back and forth Pampanga and Malabon. It became a routine that it almost didn't feel like travelling—it felt just like being together in a dance. We did dance, though—we always, always had to make sure that there were chips for you in the bus, and that I would have Alis or Monkey with me, so that I could sleep as we travel. We would share each other's chips and sneak kisses in between. At times, I would sleep on your shoulder as we held each other's hands. It became so routinary that I became so comfortable and used to it.

So last weekend, when I went home to Pampanga, it felt so weird to get into a bus and travel without you in it. I wasn't able to sleep back and forth, and I had no appetite. I just sat there, feeling uneasy and uncomfortable. I became so used to our routine, to our dance. And it feels so sad to dance alone.

Missing you so much,

Babi